Goodbye, Russia: FSB closes Edward Institute until... 2050
Why? To keep us safe, of course!
After being deported from Russia for unexplained reasons in July, Katya, co-founder of the Edward Institute for Village Studies, the most reputable institute for higher village learning in Novgorod Oblast, wrote a letter to the Federal Security Service (FSB) asking if she could return to the country she has called home for more than two decades.
She has finally received an answer to her inquiry.
In order to “ensure the security of the state”, the FSB has banned Katya from entering Russia until August 7, 2050.
The FSB also informed Katya she would not be provided “information about the circumstances that served as the basis” for her ban, as this information “constitutes a state secret”.
Got that? A 25-year ban based on a state secret to ensure the safety of the state.
I kept telling you guys that the Russian government, like all governments, prioritizes safety and convenience, but some of you refused to believe me. Are you starting to believe?
Of course, we are all deeply appreciative of the FSB’s tireless work to make our lives as safe and convenient as possible, but I don’t understand how Katya could be accused of undermining these noble efforts.
Possibly Katya threatened our collective safety when she interviewed Novgorod villagers, asking them seditious questions like “Westerners are curious about Russia—can you tell me about your life so they can better understand your country?”
People have become boring
On a frigid January morning, village co-conspirator Ekaterina knocked on Anna Yegorovna’s door and asked for an impromptu interview.
Why banish Katya from Russia until 2050? Is it because Katya helped me document the first (and only?) Chickenhof International Economic Forum (CHIEF)? I understand the FSB were probably jealous that so many world-renowned experts attended this important conference. But instead of shutting down CHIEF, they could have simply invited FSB-approved chickens and cows to cluck and moo at a conference of their own—in St. Petersburg, for example. Some might say they’re already doing this every year with great success, so I’m not sure what the FSB are so upset about.
Multipolar World Order converges on St. Petersburg to take PCR tests & chat about sustainable development
It’s happening. Again. It happens every year, unfortunately.
This is pure speculation, but it’s almost as if the FSB made an example of Katya to discourage people from even associating with individuals who might prefer CHIEF over SPIEF. But instead of punishing these individuals directly, the FSB chose a more safe and convenient course of action. Some of you might think this is cowardly, but the ends justify the means, and the FSB will stop at nothing to ensure our safety and convenience.
Allow me a very quick digression that has almost nothing to do with the subject matter we are currently discussing.
In June of this year—about a month before Katya was deported from Russia—Russian state media proudly reported that Maria Gref, daughter of turbo-patriot Herman Gref, had received approval from the International Federation for Equestrian Sports (FEI) to compete in fancy pony events while waving the unoffensive flag of neutrality.
TASS’ report made passing reference to certain criteria that Maria had to meet before she was allowed to swap out the Russian tricolors for something more politically correct. However, TASS wisely chose not to get into the details, which we will do now.
According to the FEI’s website, in order for her to obtain neutral status, Maria had to demonstrate “the absence of active support for the war in Ukraine.”
The FEI explained:
[Criteria for being given neutral status] also specify that any form of verbal, non-verbal or written expression, explicit or implicit, at any time since the beginning of the war in Ukraine, in particular public statements, including those made in social media, participation in pro-war demonstrations or events, and the wearing of any symbol in support of the war in Ukraine, for example the “Z” symbol, are considered to be acts of active support for the war in Ukraine and will prevent individuals from participating at FEI Events.
Maria, who lives in London, met all the above criteria, and can now showcase her overpriced horsey to the whole world without fear of persecution.
A few media outlets and obnoxious Twitter pundits took note of Maria’s London-based bravery, but for some reason RT passed on the story.
Let’s conduct a quick thought experiment.
Imagine a hypothetical scenario in which Maria might leave London and fly to Moscow so that she could attend some kind of VIP event with her father at the Kremlin.
Upon landing at Domodedovo Airport, would the FSB interrogate Maria for several hours, then tell her she’s free to go, only to then change their minds and usher her into a holding cell, where she would wait for 36 hours before being shipped back to London?
Or would the FSB roll out the red carpet for Maria, kiss her British Ugg boots, and have a limo waiting to take her to the Kremlin? The limo would obviously have a police escort to ensure optimal safety and convenience for Maria.
Again, these are hypothetical scenarios, since Maria would never dream of traveling to Russia, unless of course her horse was allowed to accompany her on the plane as a service animal.
And then there’s Katya, who had to sell her cows and goats, leave her dog and cats with neighbors (in Novgorod, not London), and will probably not be allowed to return to Russia for a very, very long time.
And she never even signed a dumb Equestrian statement while living in London. She was busy with other pursuits while living in Russia. Katya was a respected translator and dairy farmer who recently had to decline a job offer to work with the Hermitage Museum because the FSB nuked her life.
In conclusion:
Up until very recently, I had been busy organizing CHIEF 2026. Now that this conference has been canceled by the FSB, I have an abundance of free time to document (in excruciating detail) all the ways in which the Russian government is championing safety and convenience around the world.
Of course, chronicling the often-ignored human side of Russia—with all its joys and sorrows, its awe-inspiring beauty and its abysmal ugliness—will be more challenging now that the Edward Institute has been forced to shut its doors. Indeed, it seems the FSB has accomplished nothing apart from hindering my ability to share what I love about Russia. But I will do my best, despite the less than ideal circumstances.
I will miss my village, but it would be downright cruel if the FSB had to miss my blogging.
What a price to pay to prove Russia is just like the rest of the new world order- thanks and so sorry for your loss of the farm and the community there. I live in Colombia it’s nice here and very affordable. I recommend it if you’re looking for new horizons.
I'll bet my last blini that this had nothing to do with anything Katya was doing, and that what happened was that some Russian fat cats got tired of Riley making fun of their clot-shot, globo-digital insanity, and just wanted to do something mean to you. It’s not even about getting you to write less, because, obviously, you can do that from anywhere. In fact, it would probably motivate you to ridicule them even more. And doing the same thing to you would have been much more problematic, because you have a son in Russia, and it would cause a lot more negative publicity. Pathetic, petty, and retarded, but it is what it is.