PCR tests, gene therapy & juicy climate gossip: Russia's Davos kicks off in St. Petersburg!
Cheburashka will moderate a panel of Sber specialists, because sure why not?
It’s mid-June—you know what that means. Yes, it means you have somehow survived the first half of 2023, which is no small achievement.
But it also foretells the start of the St. Petersburg International Economic Forum, the annual gathering of Russia’s best and brightest (and representatives from various space lizard projects, Big Pharma executives, and other respected members of the global community).
Well, as Jaroslav Hašek once observed, “it takes all kinds to make a world.” He was referring to a prostitute who was cavorting with members of the Austro-Hungarian Armed Forces, if I remember correctly.
Last year’s SPIEF was an absolute banger. There was a lot of pearl-clutching and anxiety about the Not-War preventing top talent from attending SPIEF 2022, but those fears turned out to be misplaced.
Even Dr. Tedros joined the festivities, via Zoom, to discuss deep questions, such as “how soon will the global population be vaccinated, and what international cooperation solutions can be used to accelerate this process?”, and how can the global community “increase Russian public trust in and awareness of the positive effects of vaccination?”
I’m not being facetious, those are verbatim discussion topics from one of last year’s thought-provoking panels.
SPIEF 2023 promises to be equally edifying.
Here’s a sampling of this year’s “business program”:
You get the idea.
At the end of the four-day event (which started today), conference-goers will have the “opportunity to undergo speed-dating with mentors”—which sounds like a dangerously sexual euphemism for “networking”.
Obviously—this goes without saying—all SPIEF participants must take a PCR test before they are allowed on the premises. Masks will not be mandatory.
But the main attraction will be a deepfake hologram of famous Soviet cartoon-beast Cheburashka, who is slated to “moderate” Sber’s panel discussion about … I don’t even know:
Sber will make Cheburashka the moderator of its own panel session as part of its participation in the St. Petersburg International Economic Forum 2023. The character loved by millions of moviegoers will be recreated using 3D animation and Sber’s own deepfake technology.
“Our choice of Cheburashka as the moderator of the Sber session is not accidental: given the information volatility in the celebrity and opinion leaders market, this character will not create reputational risks in the future,” Sber’s press service explained.
To summarize: SPIEF 2023 will be four days of highly sustainable, digital, carbon-conscious, multipolar, de-dollarized, BRICS-led, PCR-tested, 3D-furry gene therapy. A few lucky attendees might even get to play tonsil hockey with balding, dumpling-shaped businessmen.
Enjoy the rest of 2023.
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