Russia mobilizes robot army to defend restaurants from unvaxxed vermin
Robots are more reliable than their untrustworthy, diseased human subordinates
It’s a well-known fact that over the past six months, unvaccinated people with dinner reservations have killed approximately 200,000 Russians. Each day, more and more dinner reservations are made, causing more and more death and suffering.
Thankfully, authorities have started to fight back. Dozens of Russian regions are now requiring digital health certificates to enter shops, restaurants and public institutions, thereby preventing uninjected extremists — 65% of the country — from maiming the general population.
But who is qualified to enforce these very necessary and prudent measures? The unvaxxed are shifty and unemployable. But it would be inhumane to ask a vaccinated person to work as a digital health pass compliance officer, because what if they come in contact with an unvaxxed person and their lungs collapse? The vaccine only works if everyone gets it.
This is clearly a job for a robot:
Restaurants in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Perm will hire robots to check QR codes vaccinated against coronavirus and those who have recovered from it, Promobot told RIA Novosti.
"The Russian company Promobot, a manufacturer of service robots, has presented the first robot for checking QR codes in restaurants and public places. The robot is able to move at the entrance to the premises and communicate with visitors," the message says.
…
In addition to restaurants, such robots will appear at airports and educational institutions, the company said.
This friendly machine is also equipped with a passport scanner so that it can verify your identity and then (presumably) relay your location to the Russian government, which is always worried about you and wants to know where you are and make sure you are safe and uninfected at all times.
It’s only a pilot program, but hopefully soon a robot will be guarding the entrance of every dining establishment in Russia. St. Petersburg will begin requiring digital health IDs for cafes and bars in December; Perm has barred the unvaccinated from cinemas and fitness clubs, but the restrictions do not extend to restaurants (yet).
Moscow introduced a compulsory QR code system for the city’s catering sector in June and then canceled it three weeks later after 200 businesses imploded. But the capital’s “COVID-Free” pass still exists and businesses can still ask customers for proof of uninfected status. According to RIA Novosti, a QR enforcement robot will be dispatched to one of Moscow’s most famous synod of douchebags, “The Toy.”
This is The Toy, by the way:
It’s totally shocking that a club with Eyes Wide Shut vibes would use a robot as a QR code bouncer.
By the way, the same company that developed the QR Code Enforcer, PromoBot, has an impressive lineup of demonic machines that we’re excited to encounter in the coming months and years:
There’s also “Scorpion,” the Disinfector:
We’re pretty sure we’ve seen videos of the “Scorpion” patrolling the streets of Palmyra, Syria.
Actually, all of these robots are very early and primitive prototypes. PromoBot said in a recent press release that it plans on replacing QR Code Enforcer’s arms with S-600 surface-to-unvaxxed missile launchers. Anyone unvaxxed who comes within 10,000 km of any restaurant in Russia will just be immediately vaporized. And rightfully so.
Let the soul-raping begin.
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