A perfect opportunity for Putin to purge the 5th columnists
Fingers crossed?
“Record percentage, record turnout, minimum violations,” TASS trumpeted after Putin’s landslide victory in last month’s presidential elections.
To describe the incumbent’s electoral triumph as historic would be an understatement. With turnout at a staggering 77.49%, Russia’s president secured his fifth term in office after receiving a record 87.28% of the vote.
The people have spoken. But what will Putin do with this copious political capital?
Under Russian law, the inauguration of a new president triggers the resignation of the government (Cabinet of Ministers). The president is then tasked with selecting a Chairman of the Government (Prime Minister) and a new cabinet. All appointments need to be rubber-stamped by the State Duma.
Backed by a highly enthusiastic and overwhelmingly supportive electorate, and at the helm of a nation locked in an existential conflict with the Collective West, Putin has a golden opportunity to assemble his Dream Team.
To Putin’s credit, his current cabinet is already packed with absolute legends. Just a few minor tweaks are needed and the Russian government will finally be ready to deploy the gold-backed ruble.
There are around 30 members of the cabinet, so unfortunately we won’t have time to heap praise on each and every minister.
But allow me to list a few ministers who Putin MUST KEEP in his cabinet in order to ensure the success of the Multipolar World Order:
Minister of Health Mikhail Murashko: Murashko presided over the largest loss of Russian life since the end of the Great Patriotic War, and also championed a life-saving untested genetic AstraZeneca knock-off for people of all sizes, including pregnant women and children.
As a former member of the WHO’s Executive Board, Murashko is obviously a cattle tag connoisseur who once described vaccine passports as a harmless and very trendy new clothing style:
Murashko’s feats of public health are so numerous and health-preserving that it would require five or six blog posts just to summarize them. Needless to say, Mikhail is a favorite of this blog, and if you want to learn more about him you can consult the Edward Slavsquat search bar.
Murashko is a national treasure and let’s hope that Putin keeps him in the starting lineup.
Deputy Prime Minister for Social Policy Tatyana Golikova: Like many of her esteemed colleagues, Golikova has been bouncing around various government departments and ministries since the early 90s. With a solid track record of non-stop failure, Golikova is also the lucky wife of Viktor Khristenko, a former minister of Energy and Trade who is linked to various pharmaceutical scams—from “swine flu” pills to Sputnik V. A formidable and endearing power couple. Russia’s social policy is in safe hands.
Russia's selfless COVID-pill profiteers: Heroes of public health
Nine out of ten doctors agree: in order to survive cold-like symptoms, sometimes it is necessary to permanently damage your internal organs with antiviral drugs. This is what makes COVID so harrowing. The virus forces people to take life-ending medications.
Golikova has also played an instrumental role in the creation of Russia’s much-admired Sanitary Shield, a biosecurity program that will use PCR tests and genetic vaccines to keep the country safe and healthy when the next pandemic arrives—which Golikova says is inevitable.
No Russian cabinet is complete without Tatyana Golikova and it would be horrific if Putin were to exclude such a selfless public servant from his 2024 All-Star Team.
Finance Minister Anton Siluanov: Siluanov wants the entire world to adopt Russia’s Sanitary Shield program, which means that even if you don’t live in Russia you should be rooting for Siluanov’s cabinet reappointment because Anton wants to use PCR tests and genetic vaccines to protect you from bio-harm.
You might be wondering why Russia’s finance minister takes such keen interest in “reforming the global healthcare system”. It’s because Anton Siluanov likes to involve himself in all sorts of monkey business. As Katyusha.org reported in November 2022, Siluanov has a penchant for “betraying national interests and swearing allegiance to [the] unipolar world of globalists, where directives to states are issued by dubious supranational organizations.”
It should surprise no one that Siluanov has been dutifully serving Russia in some official capacity since the late 90s. It would be very rude to kick him out of the cabinet now. Hopefully Putin sticks with this winner.
Minister of Digital Development Maksut Shadayev: If it’s digital, or if it’s being “digitalized”, Maksut probably developed it.
Whether it’s a digital identity card or a digital profile used to monitor the social activity of schoolchildren, digitalization is what Shadayev craves.
Maksut isn’t just a patriot—he’s a visionary. And probably soon he will find a way to digitalize our vision, too.
Removing Maksut from his post would be outrageous unless of course Putin were to find someone who loves digitalization even more than Maksut does. With or without Maksut, the Ministry of Digital Development will continue its important work of digitally developing every square inch of the Russian Federation.
Minister of Industry and Trade Denis Manturov: For some weird reason the guy in charge of industry and trade in Russia has the largest (declared) income in the Russian government. This means he is an adept and highly qualified tradesman, of course.
As Manturov rakes in the rubles, he advises Russians to prepare for the transition to a “new era of food evolution”. That’s a rich guy euphemism for “eating bugs”, I think?
The Collective West is developing bug burgers, which means that Russia must also develop its own bug burger technology in order to close the bug burger gap. This is common sense. And the best way to achieve this strategic bug burger victory is to allow Manturov to continue his important work. So please keep Denis in your thoughts and prayers as Putin assembles his new cabinet.
Prime Minister Mikhail Mishustin: Replacing Mishustin with someone who didn’t participate in the World Economic Forum’s Cyber Polygon 2020 conference (co-hosted by Herman Gref) would be an absolute disaster for Russia.
Mishustin is a world-class manager who knows how to delegate tasks and get stuff done. That’s why he issued a secret order in December 2020 designating a subsidiary of Herman Gref’s Sberbank as the sole supplier of Sputnik V to Russia’s regions. (Gref, an ex-member of the WEF’s Board of Trustees, relinquished this honor after his bank helped deliver the first few batches of an experimental genetic drug developed in cooperation with AstraZeneca. Please re-read that sentence. Let it sink in.)
Mishustin also issued the order to establish a WEF-sponsored Center for the Fourth Industrial Revolution in Russia. (The center formally suspended its activities in March 2022.)
The current government is doing a great job, according to the chairman of the government, Mikhail Mishustin, and there’s really no reason why anything needs to change:
Putin’s inauguration is scheduled for May 7. The new government will be formed shortly after. Let’s just hope that Putin uses his awe-inspiring electoral mandate to make sure that every member of his cabinet has family who live in London. No more excuses!
Riley, your writing style cannot be lauded enough :)) Thanks for the excellent article.
What a darling dog.
Putin basks in the warm glow of adulation.
I wonder if the Russians love him as much as the Western Pro-BRICS 'freedom warriors' for whom Vlad can do now wrong? They all seem blissfully unaware that the Russian Federation has embraced 4IR and moves in Lockstep with its Nato adversaries.
Russia will have to do some catching up to reach the level of culinary depths that the West has plumbed. Eight years ago the hipster vegans were munching wheat gluten Seitan burgers - pronounced "Satan" - with vegan cheese which is quite possibly the most disgusting food on the planet.