Who's excited for CRIMEAN-CONGO FEVER?

Answer: Everyone.

Spicy meme by Edward © 2022 All Rights Reserved.

So it looks like monkey AIDS was a flop. No biggie. RELEASE THE FEVER:

This is a screenshot from RIA Novosti. It has not been altered in any way.

You have to respect the hustle:

SIMFEROPOL, June 28 - RIA Novosti Crimea. Russian scientists have found a new strain of Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever in the European part of the south of the country, writes RIA Novosti with reference to data from Sechenov University.

According to scientists, depending on the variety, the Crimean-Congo hemorrhagic fever virus can cause various disorders, up to lethal ones, as in the case of the Europe-1 strain. This species was found in the south of Russia in most cases - 596 samples. Another turned out to be a variety called “Africa-3”, but six samples were assigned to a completely new type, which they decided to call “Europe-3”. While there is no data on the degree of its danger, researchers continue to study.

You think you can just keep living a normal life now, knowing that Europe-1 is lurking in the nearest alleyway with a dirty rag and a bottle of chloroform? Are you completely insane?

Even if you somehow escape Europe-1’s feverish clutches, Africa-3 will break down your door and burglarize your body. You can run. You can try to hide. But it’s futile. It’s Crimean-Congo Fever, for Pete’s sake.

Shortly after announcing this new Death Threat, Russia’s federal agency for human welfare reassured the country that there is no need to panic, there will be no outbreak of Crimean-Congo Fever. They just wanted you to know about it. Because knowledge is power.

We have to tip our hat to the Daily Mail, which created a very scientific infographic showing all of the world’s pestilences coming to the UK for a furry convention or something:

Thoughts and prayers for the Brits.

But what about a potential outbreak of Kappa Kappa Gamma, COVID-19’s pedigreed sorority sister mutation?

Better safe than sorry:

The authorities of the Pskov region, where the total number of people infected with coronavirus exceeded 111,000 people, extended anti-COVID restrictive measures until the end of September. The corresponding decree was signed by the governor of the region Mikhail Vedernikov, the document was posted on the portal of  regulatory legal acts of the region on Tuesday.

“Introduce restrictive measures (quarantine) on the territory of the Pskov region until September 30, 2022,” the text of the document says.

Run far, far away while you still can. Would not suggest the Congo or the Crimea, though. Probably Pskov is a risky bet, too. Just a hunch.

Safe travels.