A heart-warming telegram from the KGB

and other delightful messages discovered in Edward's village attic

Susan and Edward examine a highly classified Soviet diplomatic cable found in his attic.

It’s been three weeks since the last Village Institute update. In our last dispatch from pastoral Novgorod, your correspondent detailed how he expertly constructed a beauteous puppy pen and drove his brand new Tesla to the nearby water well.

Today I will share with you some priceless Russian treasures discovered while excavating the attic of Edward manor.

A small sample of attic literature that I’m slowly organizing. Slowly, slowly.

Magazine clippings, a book of songs, and a portrait of Lenin

A copy of Peasant Woman magazine from 1984

But the big find of the week was a collection of Soviet “telegrams”.

Upon closer inspection, it was determined that these messages were cheeky faux telegrams addressed to local newlyweds, Sergei and Svetlana.

We notify the groom Seryozha that Svetlana loves “Bear in the North” chocolates. She likes “Eskimo” pies and the perfume “Maybe”. Buy her everything she wants.

— Her penniless admirers

Dear beloved Sergei,

I congratulate you on your wedding day. I’m insulted that you left me so soon. I loved you so much and I ask that you don’t forget me. But don’t remember me that often. I wish you happiness.

— Your bachelor life

Dear Sergei,

The Bureau of Kind Services congratulates you on your marriage and wishes you all earthly blessings. Your family will be strong on the condition that you keep your wife on a short leash.

— BKS (Bureau of Kind Services)

Dear Svetlanka,

The Bureau of Kind Services congratulates you on your official wedding and would like to give you some small advice for your family life. For your family to be strong you must keep your like-minded husband under your heel.

— BKS (Bureau of Kind Services)

Finally, there was a very intimidating handwritten warning addressed to Sergei and Svetlana’s wedding guests:

Respected guests,

We hereby warn you that this Saturday, bored faces and empty glasses [being a party-pooper who refuses to drink at an Olympic pace — Edward] will be considered sabotage, and those caught in the act will be considered enemies of the people.

— Special department (military counterintelligence) of the KGB, USSR

I like my attic. It gives me hope.