[Edward lifts hatch to top secret subterranean hookah lounge, releasing a thick cloud of hookah-fume chemtrails] Is it safe to come out now? Is it over? What? It’s two thousand twenty-four? [Coughs] Bummer. Well, let’s see what’s been going on in Russia while I’ve been away. [Opens laptop] Yes, I see. [Throws laptop into nearby acid pit] We can talk about it tomorrow.
But while you’re here, there’s a few things I wanted to share with you.
Thing #1: More PURE PRISTINE NEWS!
We’re all about having a good time here at E. Slavsquat, and whenever possible this blog tries to inject a bit of levity into otherwise grim and frankly completely depressing topics. This is for sanity-preserving purposes but also because the so-called “alternative media” takes itself much too seriously, spreading misery and unhappiness far and wide.
Nevertheless, it is this blog’s sacred duty to cover newsworthy developments in Russia that for reasons beyond our comprehension are completely ignored or monstrously mischaracterized by Very Serious Geopolitical Experts and other fearless independent truthtellers on government payrolls.
Going forward we’re going to be doing more “straight” reporting—just the sad, painful facts using multiple sources to approach a story from different angles. (How novel, right?) There are more than 500 potential articles languishing in our Drafts folder, mostly because if your correspondent can’t think up a good opening sentence witticism, he spirals into despair and questions the meaning of life before abandoning the blog post altogether. Enough already.
So expect more 100% blog-fentanyl injections in the coming weeks. Please clap.
Thing #2: Open thread/news roundups are back (again)!
I’m resurrecting the weekly news roundup/open thread. Again. For the third time. This “new” weekly feature will be called NEWS FROM RUSSIA. The old open thread, “At least we have each other”, will be repurposed as a semi-regular feature. More on that later.
The weekly news roundup is an invaluable resource because it helps to demonstrate just how many Russia-related stories go unreported in non-Russian media spaces. It’s also valuable to know what Russians in Russia are saying about Russia. That seems useful if you are interested in Russia.
Remember that you can always browse Russian media on your own. If you need help getting started, consult our beginner’s guide to Russia Watching.
The first edition of NEWS FROM RUSSIA will arrive in your inbox tomorrow. Please clap.
Thing #3: More INTERVIEWS!
Our “A conversation with…” feature is fun and informative and I am going to be aggressively harassing interesting people I know for more interviews.
Thank you for clapping.
Thing #4: More VILLAGE!
Every day I become more and more excited about my village and my future career as an organic matter removal specialist.
I am very grateful for the thoughtful comments and prudent advice I received after revealing my zany plan to acquire the village’s long-abandoned schoolhouse. More on that later.
There will be regular updates about the collective farm in Novgorod that you are going to join—it’s inevitable just accept it. Thank you.
Thing #5: Thank you to my handsome paying subscribers. Your generosity has not gone unnoticed
I have been very bad with pampering my beguiling paid subs. A few months ago I started the Cool Kids Club for paying blog-readers but it was swiftly dismantled by the egalitarian opinion that even people who don’t give me money are cool.
I am still going to find a way to properly express my sincere gratitude to those who have been keeping this blog afloat with their hard-earned fiat. This might take the form of paywalled village vignettes or Russian diary entries that I found in my attic. Did I tell you that I found a diary in my attic?
I’m still in the United States, visiting family and selling my childhood baseball cards to raise capital for the village. But the village adventures will resume shortly.
Best wishes,
— Riley
Continue to love your sense of humor and look forward to hearing your thoughts on the U.S. as you see it now. Wishing you safe and easy travels.
I've missed your posts 🙂