Answers to famous Russian riddles

Nika & Edward answer some of your Russia-related questions

More treasures from Edward’s village attic

Hello.

The potatoes have been planted. Finally.

Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: answers to the questions that my cherished paid subs and my freeloader-readers asked nearly a month ago.

Nika and I did not answer all the questions. But there will be a Part II to this Q&A and if your question received at least 3 “hearts” there’s a very good chance your query will be featured in the next installment.

Thank you for your patience during these difficult potato-planting times.

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Cherished reader “Pravoslavni diktator” asks:

Hi Nika, do puppies need a vax pass to freely roam around village?

P.S. You are very lucky that Edward leaved your habitat in original Slavic condition and not turning it into American mowed hellscape.

Hello. Nika here.

It’s me Nika. Greetings and salutations.

There is no Sputnik-Puppy. Consequently, there is no puppy vax pass. Please stop giving Alexander Gintsburg ideas.

Even if such a depraved document existed, my canine comrades are prohibited from free-roaming the village during the vegetable-growing season on account of their insatiable appetite for destroying peoples’ gardens.

Not me though I’d never dream of doing something like that.

In autumn and winter we run around the village sniffing and adventuring all day long.

Actually, your question reminded me of the March-June 2020 Moscow Lockdown, when dogs weren’t allowed to wander more than 100 meters from home and the city’s parks were closed for scientific health reasons.

These were dark days for Moscow’s four-legged residents; two-legged Muscovites also had it pretty bad—in particular, the guy who was thrown into a police van after he attempted to take his dog for a walk:

Russians were so thoroughly disgusted by the above video that the government apologized and promised never to do something so disgusting ever again.

I’m merely jesting, of course. The authorities chose a slightly different course of action.

The guy who was arrested for walking his dog was attacked by state media for not paying his utility bills. And then 18 months later the entire country was cattle-tagged and coercively injected with a genetic goo copy-pasted from AstraZeneca.

It’s because they care about our health.

Returning to the village: it’s disappointingly vaxxy out here in the boonies.

The local government is constantly trying to inject Edward’s livestock, and lunatics periodically show up at the farm unannounced with syringes and demands.

One time a government veterinarian traveled to the village with the sole purpose of vaccinating the Institute’s hens against “bird flu”.

Thankfully Irina, the head mistress of the farm, found an ingenious loophole.

I will reenact this event for you:

Government vet: Hello, I’m here to vax your chickens.

Irina: We don’t have any chickens.

Government vet: Are you sure?

[Very distinct chicken noises emanating from the barn]

Irina: Yes.

Government vet: Well…okay, then.

And that was that.

The cows are also regularly targeted by dubious government needling campaigns. Edward is digging a network of secret tunnels under the barn so that the cows can hide when it’s time for their bovine HIV booster or whatever.

Edward attempting to extract cow nectar. He lasted about 45 seconds before his weak little sausage fingers became tired and sore. Then he retreated to his manure pile like a coward.

As for village lawn landscaping (or lack thereof): In an ideal world, it would be wonderful to allow the grass to grow three meters tall so that Eddie’s “fence” isn’t visible from the road. Here’s the thing, though: snakes.

The village is home to sneaky black snakes who like to loiter in the grass and nibble on your toes if you’re not careful. So unfortunately a certain amount of grass-trimming is necessary.

Edward prefers using a scythe, although his technique is beyond appalling. But the Institute also keeps an arsenal of loud grass-murdering machines.

By the way: do you see those large logs in the above photograph?

Edward discovered an abandoned log hut while exploring in the forest and has decided to disassemble this structure, log by log, and then reassemble it inside the Institute’s HQ. He says it will be “neat” to have a “log fort” inside of his home.

I wish I were joking but I assure you I am not.

There is something seriously wrong with that guy.

Anyway.

I hope my answer was satisfactory.

And now for my payment. That will be 2 belly rubs, please.

I’m ready.

Cherished reader “Peter Green” asks:

I’d like to know how you describe the Russian political left, right, &/or center? I know that can be tricky. Indeed, I’m not all that sure how I’d describe mine here in Oklahoma. But I guess I am interested in your opinions on how yours differs from the USA’s.

Excellent question, Mr. Green. This blog regularly cites “left-wing” Nakanune and “right-wing” Katyusha to provide a spectrum of views from patriotic Russian media, but what does Left and Right even mean in Russia? As veteran Slavsquat readers know, these two outlets are often in complete agreement with one another. This is almost impossible to imagine in any Western Democracy, where the so-called “Left” and “Right” are constantly at each others’ throats, even though they both receive generous funding from Raytheon and BlackRock.

I don’t even know where to begin so I decided to phone a friend.

Here are some thoughts from infamous incel and FSB Most Wanted fugitive Rurik Skywalker:

There are no “democratic” politics in Russia. There is just the uniparty of United Russia and the controlled opposition parties of the Communists and the LDPR, which is slightly to the “right” of United Russia. Ideology as such does not exist in Russian politics either. All parties say similar things about history, morality, religion, and so on. True “politics” as such are decided by the Deep State, which decides who gets what slice of the economic pie and who gets thrown into prison.

In terms of social conservatism, Russians past a certain age are conservative (far more than in the West). But because of the penetration of Western media and efforts by the government to push socially liberal mores on the population, these values have been very well eroded with the below 40 crowd. With the below 20s, I would say that the majority are socially libertine.

Most importantly, the women are feminists and hedonists just like everywhere else. The government talks a good game about banning Western propaganda, but has done worse than nothing. Recently it banned Rumble, a site with alternative viewpoints used by Westerners to get around censorship. Ironically, many pro-Russians sit on Rumble and are baffled why Russia doesn’t ban YouTube instead. The answer is that YouTube probably pays its FSB-tithe on time. And also there is too much anti-COVIDism and anti-Zionism on Rumble for the Kremlin’s tastes.

I suppose if you want to understand the “left” you need to understand that there are 3 communist groups. there are the mainstream ones under Zyuganov, who has been participating in elections since the 90s, and who should have won one of those elections had they been free and fair. instead, he was bought off by Putin and his oligarch + spook friends and now comes in a dignified second place each election cycle and is told how many seats his party is to get in the Duma ahead of time.

Then there are those who have gotten fed up and splintered off from Zyuganov. they are now in a coalition with the remnants of the Rodina party of national socialists and some other fringe political groups. they call themselves, “Just Russia” and while they proclaim loyalty to Putin often and loudly, they are closely monitored and suppressed by the FSB.

Finally, there are the more hardcore Stalinist types. this group and the conspiracy theory crowd have a lot of overlap. They are not interested in electoral politics and are of a more revolutionary mindset. Here you will find the Nats-Bols or just historical revisionists or people who really love weapons and history all together just praying for a chance to overthrow the government that never seems to come.

Cooperation between different political “camps” is far more common in Russia than in other countries. There are only two meaningful coalitions in Russia—those who are pro-Kremlin and those who are not. Among those who aren’t you will often get strange alliances that rarely go anywhere. Like the National-Socialists (Rodina) and anti-Zyuganov Communists. Or the Russian Imperialists and Opposition Liberals.

Most people in Russia are “socialist” when compared to Americans in the sense that they believe in and support a strong government, socialized medicine and large public work projects. Sadly, the majority do not support gun rights. The main complaint against Putin is that he has adopted the American “robber baron” model instead. I’d say that Putin’s inspiration is the NEP period pre-Stalin.

Thanks, Rurik.

Cherished reader “Freelander” asks:

Riley, you have masterfully taught us that Russia (the Kremlin, I mean) is just another instance of globalization, no less than the Col. West. Except (apparently) for the transgender/ultrafeminist b.s., they are in for all of the 2030 Agenda's goals: the 'sustainable' b.s., the digital b.s., the vaccine b.s., the CBDC gulag, the uncontrolled brown IMmigration and population replacement, etc. Now, would you say that this is because Russia's government is simply another puppet in the global elite’s pockets (most likely), or because they are so completely indoctrinated/brainwashed/colonized/mesmerized by the “Western values”, and have such an inferiority complex, that they do flips and spins, whichever is in their hands to be up to the West’s superior values? In other words, is Russia’s ruling class sold to Big Money, or is it sold to the West’s narrative and propaganda?

Heya Freelander.

Your question touches on a topic that will be discussed in depth in an upcoming blog post exploring the possible reasons why the Russian government is so smitten by the Space Lizard Agenda, even though the space lizards are purportedly trying to destroy Russia—or so it seems? It’s all very confusing and troubling.

But to briefly answer your question:

Probably some bigwigs in Russia’s upper management have ideological or agenda-driven motivations, while others are incorrigible parasites who will do or say anything for rubles.

Friendly banker Herman Gref isn’t just a rich creep. He clearly has a vision. And like a proper technocrat, he wants to use recent advances in technology to make your life miserable because that’s what gives him pleasure and fulfills him as a person.

It takes all kinds to make a world.

Meanwhile, weirdos like Tatyana Golikova are clearly just doing and saying anything asked of them so that they can stuff their mouth-holes with caviar and own villas in Tuscany.

Whatever their motivations may be, it’s telling that the Russian Federation—the pariah state slapped with 10 trillion sanctions and excluded from Davos—continues to march in near-lockstep with all the anti-human sludge advocated for by the WEF, the UN, the WHO, the IMF, the G20, and obviously BRICS. (Moscow’s opposition to the tranny agenda being the only major point of contention, as Freelander pointed out.)

For those who haven’t already, I encourage you to read an article I typed up for Unlimited Hangout in July 2022, which asks the very simple question: Now that Russia has been booted from Davos, what has changed?

source: Unlimited Hangout

Spoiler alert: Basically nothing.

I wrote that article almost two years ago (!) and not only does it still hold up, it’s arguably more relevant than ever.

I’ll have more to say on this subject soon.

Cherished reader “Sirka Sie” asks:

I’m asking Nika a question for Ziggy, he is a dog therefore a freeloader:

Does your master pick up your poop and place it in a bag like all humans here? This is a strange custom to me and I am still trying to figure out what they do with it...woof woof

Also how do you woof in Russian?

Sup, Ziggy?

Poop in a bag? What?

So let me get this straight.

Your human hoards your excrement in bags? Uh…maybe it’s a hobby or something? Edward collects baseball cards, which is less smelly but equally retarded.

Isn’t it interesting how our “masters” are so similar, even though we’re on opposite ends of the earth? Makes you wonder.

Woof woof is гаф гаф (gaf-gaf) in Russian.

That will be 0.5 belly rubs. I have assumed the position.

Cherished reader “Natalie” asks:

Do you find Russian women to be different from Western women in terms of mindset and life priorities?

Natalie…are you asking me what women want? Are you aware that nobody knows?

Even Mel Gibson doesn’t know. A sobering thought.

But okay, I’ll take a crack at this—but only because it’s cherished reader Natalie who asked.

Please understand that everything I’m about to type is based on sweeping generalizations.

In terms of differences in mindset, I suppose Russian women are less inclined to call the police if a man opens a door for them.

Arguably there are also noticeable differences in how femininity is viewed and understood. Apparently in the West, many admirable feminine traits, as well as physiological realities pertaining to the female body, are nothing more than social constructs created by the Patriarchy to oppress womenfolk until the end of time.

But when we examine life priorities I’m going to have to say there is no fundamental difference between Russian and Western women. Mostly because I feel very strongly that the vast majority of earthlings, both men and women, have absolutely no idea what they want, except for maybe “acquiring stuff”, “being as comfortable as possible without thinking too hard”, and “seeking validation from people who have a lot of stuff”.

But that’s just my personal opinion and I hope I did not offend anyone by sharing it with you.

Cherished reader “Mishelle Shepard” asks:

What hard or semi-soft cheeses are the Russians famous for? Why has this history been hidden from the Global Market Place? In can’t be only the French, Italian and Swiss worth emulating, it’s time for Russia to uncover her affinage secrets and not let the rest of the continent get away with such flagrant monopolization of the marketplace.

I’m probably going to get roasted in the Comments Section by a cheese aficionado, but Russian cheese tastes like rubber and I am unaware of any “famous” Russian cheese that is celebrated in Russia or anywhere else in the world.

It’s odd that such a large country with presumably so much dairy is not a cheese powerhouse. But what can I say? I’m just telling you what I’m seeing and tasting here on the ground.

Maybe you could say Russia is known for its tvorog but I’m not sure if that really counts?

However, I’m happy to report that the Edward Institute is working hard to close the stinky cheese gap with the Collective West.

The first step in cheese alchemy: warming up the milk

Recently we experimented with a new recipe that involved adding almonds and peppercorns.

The result resembled moldy pita bread.

It did not taste very good. We called it “Bovine HIV”.

Onward and upwards!

Cherished freeloader “Stuffysays” asks:

As a freeloader, can I inquire what you are going to do with all those puppies and do they all have names? Also, are you going to re-wallpaper your lovely dacha/cottage/doghouse?

There were ten puppies. Count ‘em.

We’ve found homes for seven of them.

The remaining three are being subjected to regular belly rubs in Puppy Supermax.

From left to right: Rickey Henderson, Babe Ruth, and Barin

Two of them are named after baseball players (Rickey Henderson and Babe Ruth). The third, Barin, was named by my delightful and handsome paying subscribers.

BUT IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE IN RUSSIA WHO WANTS A PUPPY, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. THANKS.

As for the Edward Institute’s cursed walls: renovations are underway. Photos coming soon.

Cherished reader “Dave Wise” asks:

Dear Nika,

What would you recommend us silly humans do to keep from destroying one another? We can’t seem to figure this out, and please rest assured that all dogs go to Heaven.

Thanking you in advance. 🙏🏻🌏☮

Nika reporting for duty.

What is this question.

Dave. I’m a dog.

Okay, well.

I guess what I don’t understand about humans is that they are able to do so many wonderous things but instead of spreading joy and happiness with their opposable thumbs they choose to type angry messages at each other and crash suicide drones into each others’ homes.

What’s that all about? Are you guys OK?

I guess what I’m trying to say is that maybe instead of tormenting and vaporizing each other there are maybe more constructive uses of your short time on this goofy planet?

That soft-spoken British aristocrat from the 1970s explained everything quite nicely:

At this point I reveal myself in my true colors: as a stick-in-the-mud.

I hold a number of beliefs that have been repudiated by the liveliest intellects of our time. I believe that order is better than chaos, creation better than destruction. I prefer gentleness to violence, forgiveness to vendetta. On the whole I think that knowledge is preferable to ignorance and I am sure that human sympathy is more valuable than ideology.

I believe that in spite of recent triumphs of science men haven’t changed much in the last 2,000 years. And in consequence we must still try to learn from history: history is ourselves. […]

And I think we should remember that we are part of a great whole, which for convenience we call nature.

All living things are our brothers and sisters.

Whenever Edward tests my patience with his constant whining, I try to remember Ken Clark’s words of wisdom.

Dave: Judging from your own lovely Substack, you clearly understand how creation is much better and more beautiful than destruction. It’s a pity more people do not find joy in creation. I think they would like it a lot if they took it for a test drive.

That’s all for now more later goodnight to everyone.

A quiet evening at the Institute